Lost

What I’m about to say is something that many young adults my age have and are saying.

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I also have no sense of what direction I even think I want to go in. Not even a little. I constantly feel lost, so much that I don’t even notice the feeling as much anymore. And when I do, I get anxiety, my heart rate suddenly rising.

I’m only 22, soon to be 23. I know, deep down, that not knowing right now is okay and that I’m not the only one. However, that hasn’t helped me, not in awhile. It’s hard not compare where I am to where some of my friends are, yet I still catch myself doing it.

I feel lost, with no compass to help guide me even in the slightest towards a direction. I think I have an idea, but then I rethink it or second guess myself. I don’t have a lot of self confidence right now because for the last few years I have felt like a failure.

I’m almost 23 and I feel like I am failing at life. This annoys me because I know I shouldn’t feel like this. I have my whole life ahead of me. Doesn’t take away the feeling, unfortunately.

I’m afraid of becoming an actual failure. Of failing to create a life or creating one too late. I’m afraid I’m going to live at my parent’s for too long. I’m afraid that I’m never going to figure what I want to do. Hell, I’m afraid that I got the wrong degree in college and wasted all of my parent’s money.

I got offered a job today. Not the original one that I interviewed for. I’m going to accept it though, even though it is only a filing/basic office job, definitely not what I want to do for the rest of my life. But I would be working again and saving money.

Right now, I know that I am my own worst enemy. I think she’s winning this round.

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One thought on “Lost

  1. Doubts have a way of growing larger than they should. Knowing you want to find the true means you will keep to your journey until you are truly satisfied you are on the right path.

    Like

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