What I’m about to say is something that many young adults my age have and are saying.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I also have no sense of what direction I even think I want to go in. Not even a little. I constantly feel lost, so much that I don’t even notice the feeling as much anymore. And when I do, I get anxiety, my heart rate suddenly rising.
I’m only 22, soon to be 23. I know, deep down, that not knowing right now is okay and that I’m not the only one. However, that hasn’t helped me, not in awhile. It’s hard not compare where I am to where some of my friends are, yet I still catch myself doing it.
I feel lost, with no compass to help guide me even in the slightest towards a direction. I think I have an idea, but then I rethink it or second guess myself. I don’t have a lot of self confidence right now because for the last few years I have felt like a failure.
I’m almost 23 and I feel like I am failing at life. This annoys me because I know I shouldn’t feel like this. I have my whole life ahead of me. Doesn’t take away the feeling, unfortunately.
I’m afraid of becoming an actual failure. Of failing to create a life or creating one too late. I’m afraid I’m going to live at my parent’s for too long. I’m afraid that I’m never going to figure what I want to do. Hell, I’m afraid that I got the wrong degree in college and wasted all of my parent’s money.
I got offered a job today. Not the original one that I interviewed for. I’m going to accept it though, even though it is only a filing/basic office job, definitely not what I want to do for the rest of my life. But I would be working again and saving money.
Right now, I know that I am my own worst enemy. I think she’s winning this round.