You never expect your day to be stressful or to think that things may not turn out the way you thought when you wake up in the morning. I certainly didn’t think so this morning.
As of right now, I am still happy with my decision to move to a new state. But that doesn’t mean that it’s become stressful. I thought I was beyond stressed when I first moved here and having a whirlwind of job interviews.
Because I was stressed and anxious to find a good paying job, I chose the first thing that came along. It worked out well int he beginning since I ran into someone I went to high school with in the same office, but since then my gut has been stuck in that annoying and just as stressful indecision spot.
I think it’s really my gut and head are at an impasse. My gut is leaning more towards this job not being the fit for me, but my head is telling me ‘paycheck, insurance, and stability‘! However, just because I’m sitting in the job as a temp doesn’t mean I have any kind of upper hand when it comes to whether they’ll want to hire me permanently or not. I was just told that the person who has the decision making power on this position, wants to continue looking for other candidates to create a pool. Which of course does nothing for my confidence.
With this new information, I have no idea where I stand and I’m not even sure I know where I want to stand. I have always had my practical side butt heads with my more ‘go with the flow’ side and it’s currently making me stressed and anxious because I just have no idea what to do. I’m nervous to tell the hiring team that I’m not sure I want the job anymore because that means at some point I’ll need to start from scratch again and I’m nervous to continue with the process, because I still might not get it.
I was confident that I had a huge chance with this job, but with all this new information constantly coming back to me, I feel like I don’t really have a chance anymore.
You can definitely feel my level of confidence just darting out the door, right?
This just sucks. I know that things are never perfect and I shouldn’t assume anything at this point in my life, but I also don’t want to be stuck in a revolving door of jobs or situations that I don’t like.
I know some of you have moved or made similar big decisions that were hard. I know I’m not alone in these feelings and I know that I’m certainly not the first to be in this type of situation, but it feels like it. I know I should be lucky to even have a job or the opportunity – and I am grateful – but how long do I wait for this job that I might not even like? How do I make the decision where I might have to put myself back into unemployment while I look for something that I like better?
I know that I’ve written about these feelings and this type of situation before, but it’s nice to write everything out. Thanks for reading/listening.