If you read some of my recent babbling posts then you know that my interest in dating and things related have increased. I also discovered what a great tool Reddit is to try and garner different answers from a wide variety of people.
Online dating and dating apps continue to be a norm among those trying their hand at dating; I find it especially useful when you just moved to a new area or state where you don’t know enough people to go out and meet people that way.
When I finally made the decision that I was going to try dating again via a dating app, I took to Reddit to discover what some guys see as dos and don’ts. I’m going to start with the Don’ts since it’s the area that most guys responded to and that way you can easily see what the Dos are when you start reading that section.
I noticed that most of the don’ts offered were about what not to write into your dating profile. There are some insights related to pictures as well. Read on to see what some guys say are their don’ts on a profile. Keep in mind that these are only a small handful of guys with their own opinions; while some are insightful some are not. I will give my own thoughts at the end.
This first guy offered up things not to say and his thoughts:
“I’m a walking contradiction” No, you’re not.
“I work hard and play hard” Work harder on being original.
“I want to be treated like a princess” Either gold digger or daddy issues, or both.
“My favorite book is the bible” You can’t read.
“Drama free” If you have to say it, it’s not true.
“furbabies” They’re pets. Stop it.
“If you want to know anything, just ask” You have nothing interesting to offer other than your picture.
“Go college football team!” Only acceptable if you’re in college.
My thoughts: I’m not sure where to start … first, I didn’t know people actually said things like ‘I’m a walking contradiction”. The second point is one that I don’t think he should have mentioned because I have seen plenty of guys say the same thing; this might be more of generational thing? I don’t know.
I’m just going to not touch that third point. The ‘favorite book is the Bible’ does seem like a narrow thing to say, but you know that there is someone out there who would think the same thing. His thoughts seemed a little too judgey.
I do kind of agree with the drama line. As for furbabies – some people use this term regularly and I think he needs to get over it. For the next point, I see guys using this line too where they say they’re an open book and just ask them anything. I interpret this in different ways: too lazy to actually fill out the profile, doesn’t really want to put in the effort to messaging someone, or like the guy said, you can’t think how to present yourself in a way that would interest someone with common interests.
As for the college football one, I would not judge, but I would recommend that you say that you’re more of a college sports follower rather than just saying Go ‘insert team here’; only say this if you truly are.
This second guy was a little more helpful in my opinion:
Neck up pictures when you are overweight (there are plenty of men into that no need to hide it)
Pics of kids
Pics of you drunk
My Thoughts: Definitely agree with neck up only pictures. Show off your body and be proud of who you are. If you aren’t, it’s going to be harder. I would say that he meant no pictures of kids that aren’t yours; it’s confusing when you people have kids in their photos and then doesn’t put a caption. I would also agree with the no pictures of you drunk.
Here are some other responses related to pictures on a dating profile:
Group photos as your first several pictures. You’ll maintain interest much better if at least the initial picture is one of specifically you.
When it’s only pictures of them with ridiculous Snapchat filters
Here is another guy’s list of things he doesn’t like or doesn’t connect with on a girl’s profile:
When they say they’re “Fluent in sarcasm”
“After having 3 kids I’m ready to settle down.” I wish I was exaggerating, I don’t know how it is everywhere else but where I am at it’s like 8 out of 10 people.
I’m 4’0 don’t message me if you aren’t taller than 6 foot. That makes me laugh though, don’t really hate that it’s just funny to see. I’m 5’6 myself.
Polyamory and wanting to add us in the mix. Speaking for myself I’m selfish I don’t like to share.
My Thoughts: This guy just had interesting experiences with his own online dating.
Here are some more insights into what not to write in your profile:
Saw this fairly hot girl on tinder once with the description “why chase you, when I’m the catch” 100 to 0 real quick. Guys don’t want no games woman!
Honestly the worst thing I can see (this is basing off Tinder) is just no bio at all. Like if your bio is stupid and we clearly wouldn’t get along, I appreciate you more for being honest and so we won’t waste each others time.
“I’m looking for my partner in crime”.
“Love to laugh” so does every dummy.
“I’ll love your cat/dog more than you” I hope my cat can secretly carry a conversation, because she hasn’t spoke to me yet.
“don’t be boring” It’s fine to be basic, but don’t wear it like it’s special.
No bio is super annoying.
My Thoughts: Definitely agree with the no bio thoughts. I can see how saying cliche things like ‘looking for partner in crime’ or ‘love to laugh’ can be annoying since they’re probably overused. I personally get turned off when I see guys put that their dog will always come first; it’s one thing if it’s your human child, but can you at least put me, a human girl, and a dog at the same level?
Based off the above Don’ts, it’s pretty easy to guess what some of the major Dos are when it comes to your dating profile. I would say these things are pretty simple to do for your profile.
Here are some insights taken from the same Reddit thread I got the Don’ts from:
Include a pic of you smiling!
When I check dating apps I’m so overwhelmed with cliche’s that when I just see a freaking normal profile it catches my attention.
“What’s this, no snapchat filters or neck-up only photos with a cliched profile? I’m immediately interested!”
All you need to do in order to stand out on a dating app is fill in the whole thing. 4 or 5 photos, answer all the questions, try and write in full paragraphs. Congratulations, you’re now in the top 10% of people, and are far more likely to get somebody that you actually will like message you.
My Thoughts: I’ve learned that putting as many pictures as you can is a huge positive, especially when you have more pictures of just yourself; a lot of group pictures make it too difficult for guys to figure out which is you (same thing goes for guys). As one guy pointed out above, definitely include one of you smiling/ having fun doing something.
Obviously fill out the profile as much as you can to help the guy give a sense of what you like, don’t like, etc.
I’m going to end this with a quote from one of the guys on the Reddit thread that I really liked:
It’s a relationship, an experience, love and sex, intimacy and levity, deep and shallow, laughs and cry’s, I hate how everyone seems to want this pre-packaged person and situation in order for them to feel good about it. Let it grow, water it, if you like anything enough about this person to make it a thing, if there’s anything about them that makes you curious, challenges you, or whatever your interest is, maybe try seeing who they could be; balance that with who they are, and decide for yourself if you think they really will be the kind of person you want to be with on any level. Maybe it’s just that night, maybe it’s for a few years, maybe it’s UDDYP. You never know, but effort and unbias-ing yourself counts for way more than people nowadays seem to realize. At least, being loved in the moment and for all the possibilities is what I’d like, and can never seem to find.
I find this quote to be a great reminder that dating is a growing and learning experience and you can’t expect to immediately find or even know if you found ‘your person’. I personally find that one of the best parts of dating is connecting to another person on any level and discovering shared interests.
This was a much longer post than I expected it to be; I would love to hear what your thoughts are on these Dos and Don’ts, what are some of your Do’s and Don’ts, or just any advice or experience you want to share; please comment below! :)